The Haredim and Sexuality

Curvaceous Barbie Doll

A Barbie doll is given to a little girl 7 years old, by a friend of the family, but afterward the father takes it away and exchanges it with a proper baby doll. Why?  Because “what secular girls know at seven, our girls must not know until seventeen” (Rosenthal 183). Those were the words of a Haredi father about the curvaceous Barbie doll. Within the Haredim (ultra-orthodox) sects, women receive no Sex Education, while men only receive some just before they marry. They grow up without the basic knowledge of their bodies and about their sexuality. The intentions are not necessarily bad because the parents want to shelter their children until the right moment in time when they have to deal with it. Sexuality is just not talked about even within married couples. Everyday life in a Haredi community clearly influences against exposing and talking about body parts of both men and women. The women are even encouraged to avoid being verbally explicit about their own sexual desires or giving any hints about those sexual thoughts. But it is probably difficult for both men and women to be conscious of those intimate desires when they are taught their entire life to repress any sexual thought or fantasies. The Haredi couple is protected from the outside world and sexual information during the entire course of marriage. This is because they are sexually isolated, with no television, radio, movies, secular novels, and magazines.

Men and Women showing no affection

The Haredi see sanctity as “infusing every aspect of human experience” and all sexual activity should be intentionally sacred. To keep intimacy sacred they must consciously focus on creating an atmosphere of holiness.  This is done by thinking proper thoughts and having limits on sexual behavior. They even believe that the Sabbath is the time for sexual relations. There is also a time and schedule to have these intimate relations. Strict Jewish observance forbids any physical contacts between man and women during the menstruation period and the week following. Like mentioned earlier, intercourse is encouraged on the Sabbath as well as the mik veh night, which is after the woman’s ritual bath at the end of the 2 weeks of abstinence because of the menstruation cycle. Sexual activity must take place in the dark and they must be fully undressed, but covered with a sheet.

Modesty is prized above all

The goal is to be modest. Since they are not exposed to television or magazines that the secular world produced outside of the communities, they are not exposed to such affection. They prohibit any public display of affection, which includes contact as well. Haredi children grow up without seeing their parent’s examples of affection and couples are taught to repress any sexual thoughts and fantasies about their spouse.  Even before they are married, women can sometimes have sexual guilt when they make the transition from being single to being married because it is difficult to act on your sexual desire and see it as acceptable when they grew up feeling the complete opposite and having to constantly repress the desire.

This lack of knowledge about sexuality does possess some problems. Some couples have to go to fertility clinics because of lack of pregnancies, rather than “the sexual dysfunctions that produced the infertility to begin with." But to protect their modesty, most fertility physcians do not collect information about the couple’s intimate life. There was one instance when a couple, who had children by artificial insemination, their physician discovered that they had never had intercourse. But this is not so rare. It just needs to be said that Haredi lead a different life than the secular world especially when it comes to sexuality.